Foolish reminiscence

From the 10th grade to the present, I've been in a constant pursuit of the love of a woman. It's not much of a secret really, as my one reader knows, but it's been going on for the better part of the last 5 years, slowing down in the past year (I think). God has been helping me day by day to change my focus from the love of a woman to His love, which is never in short supply. Obviously it's been a struggle, but I certainly couldn't expect it to be easy. The past five years, needless to say, have taught me a thing or two about love, that it's primary focus isn't looks, and that a woman can never give a man his masculinity, but that he must offer it to her, putting his heart on the line despite the risk. One thing that I haven't quite figured out, though, is if love can come quickly, like over the course of a few days.

See, back at Creation '05, I was still struggling to come to grips with a previous relationship's ending, and while there, I met this girl named Natalie. She was different from any girl I had met. For some reason, she was very, very happy, and she was fully in love with the Lord, not in the way that some kids are, because their parents tell them, but because of a true love for her that came from her heart. Literally, I haven't seen anyone so in love with God as she was to this day, and this kinda blew me away about her, because I didn't know someone could love God that much. She was really pretty too. Black hair, green eyes, and definitely a rocker through and through. She actually pushed me down by accident in the mosh pit at the Fringe Stage. The cool thing about her, though, was that she seemed to love me just because I existed, because God had created me. She hung out with me all week, day and night, and we really got to know each other. She listened to my woes about losing my girlfriend, and comforted me, like she was Jesus holding on to me and telling me that He loved me. No one, ever, had been so caring toward me. Like, not that my friends aren't caring, they are, but this was incredibly different, how much she seemed to care for me even though she had just met me.

Anyway, the end of the week came, we exchanged numbers, and we kept a small amount of contact into the school year. She lived out in San Francisco, so it was kinda hard to keep in touch with all the time distance, but it was still cool to talk to her once in awhile. The last time I heard from her, though, was somewhere in January '06, when she called me at 3:00 AM my time, not realizing the time change. I wish I had just stayed up and talked to her awhile, maybe then the friendship would have continued, but I haven't heard from her since then, and sometimes, I wish I still had Natalie to talk to.

I can't say I loved her then, nor could I say it now. It would just be my wanting to attach to some form of affection. Still, I do wonder sometimes how she's doing, where she's at, or if there's any way God would allow us to be friends again by just some random meeting somewhere. I guess I don't know what to think of love developing quickly, because I don't think it had much to do with my thoughts here. Nevertheless, I am beyond grateful for her, because of the impact she made in my life that week, and how she loved me because God loved me. I wish the world were full of Natalies, that would just love regardless of who you are, and love because God made us.

*sigh* I wish I could be like Natalie. I pray that I can love God the way that she did, and love with full abandon.